bring money and cleavage
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
