So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
