My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
