The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
