Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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