i was born a porn star she said
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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