I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
