you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
