The maid of honor just puked.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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