I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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