Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My nipple is on Facebook.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
