grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
