Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
