i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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