it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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