I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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