Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
