I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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