Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
