i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
