No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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