Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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