dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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