Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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