Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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