Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
