dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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