At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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