Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
