i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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