I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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