Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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