youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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