with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Your cock deserves a montage
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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