My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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