Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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