Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
