Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
