i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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