no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
