Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
