she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
