Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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