I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
