i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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