There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
