I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
