This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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