I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
