can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
