I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
